I feel inspired from the ambitious people who wake up and leave the house on an empty stomach, to reveal their talents in front of a judgmental world. They’re carrying this “I have nothing to lose attitude.” Holding a sign while collecting change and wrinkled one dollar bills in a cup.
Ambition has always been apart of my life having a front row seat to my struggling immigrant parents who came out of poverty to give my siblings and I a better life.
My dad couldn’t keep up with overflowing of responsibilities, so he split. Brief phone calls from him and random money thrown my mothers way to help with us was the new normal. I watched my mom continue her motherly duties, her determination for us to have the best, never shifted to a slower gear.
The way I grew up I needed to be first, I had to be on top regardless of my socio economic status, I refused to put a stunt to what I wanted.
I use to mop the dance studio floors after my ballet class because I couldn’t afford the tuition. My mom took on another house to clean so I could continue piano lessons. My parents like so many other immigrants want The American Dream when coming to this country, this is the image that is produced, and shown to many immigrants, so they take that risk. They put blood and tears into their dreams and to the dreams of their children, so that one day it can come to life. I have nothing but respect for that kind of brave ambition.
When Josh and I found out we were expecting, he was determined to create this picture perfect life for us, he promised that he would never leave our child and do the total opposite of what my own father did. Josh did just that, but me, I immediately told my self my goals and dreams are over. I have to be a mom and that’s it. I assumed that if you were a young mom, the goals that you were reaching for, pre baby, would now be impossible, and there was no more room for dreaming.
That’s not true at all.
The beauty about life is you have control over it. There’s no deadline on fulfilling your dreams.
Being a mother hasn’t stopped me from doing things I love. I enjoy wearing many hats and that I’ve been blessed with multiple opportunities to unleash my talents while being a mama. I want Ava to see her parents happy in what they do.
I’m proud of my accomplishments, I’m happy I did it all. My education, dance, music, It wasn’t a waste of time because I became a stay at home mom. I will continue to put my self out there, the same as I did before I was pregnant. My life didn’t end. I want Ava to know that I’m more determined than ever, but to just be with her right now, to see her grow, to focus on every detail of her personality. Im truly blessed that I get to spend all this time with my child because not all moms get to do the same. I hope she’ll be proud that I was by her side when she needed me the most. Cheering her on at soccer games, looking for that missing ballet shoe before dance class. I hope she sees my ambition to just be in the moment with her. And that all these careers and jobs, the pay checks, that is all temporary, but being a mother you can’t quit, It’s forever.
Im wearing Ava in a Sakura Bloom Simple Silk Pebble
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If you missed it here is my last Sling Diary entry on the theme Health!